Today, at 12:49 pm I took a step that I never thought I would take. I step that in previous days I have scoffed at. A step that has changed me forever. A step that I cannot take back.
I opened a retirement fund at my bank.
I know. Yes, I'm serious. No, I didn't drink this morning. I didn't!
This retirement fund has put me in a whole different category of person. Why did I do it? Well, this may be the biggest shock of all, but I'm turning 30 in two months. 30 for women is HUGE!! It's when our "clock" starting ticking like the one on 60 minutes. We notice little changes in our appearance that I won't go into detail about, but it includes weird drooping in places that shouldn't droop. It's basically when we become real....grown-ups. Now, some people reach this level much earlier than 30. I am just a late bloomer.

Does this big step in securing my financial future make me a different person? Will I stop watching/quoting reality shows? No!! Never! I'm not dead! Will I continue to openly mock Scientologists in the streets? Yes! Of course! Will I still view karaoke as the most efficient way of expressing myself both emotionally an physically? I'm not even going to dignify that, you know me better than that!What I think it means is that I'm actually taking this stuff seriously which makes me......sick! Ugh! Who am I? Oh my God!!! I miss my old self! My getting a Brazilian wax after 4 martinis then cry on the table self! My starting a fight at the library because they were out of all the old Babysitters Clubs from when I was 10 self. My drinking till 4 am then eating everything I see out of my friends friend's refrigerator before they get up self.

I can't turn back now. I guess I just have to get a Pomeranian, married in some garden in New Jersey, have 3.2 kids and drive a station wagon. Great. Well, the upside is that life includes Botox, so I'll be fine. And by fine I guess I mean fine on the outside but crying on the inside, however you won't know because I'm going to Botox my tear ducts.

Let the fun begin!